Lost
by Marvy
Summary: For a songfic contest. The Doctor's thoughts on Rose. Oneshot. Full of fluff. Spoilers if you haven't seen all of the second season of the reincarnation of the series.


A/N: written for Banana Babe's iPod contest at three in the morning. Don't hate. Lyrics are from 'The Girl" by City and Colour, written by Dallas Green. They're out of order. I don't own any of it.

* * *

He knew.

He knew, when the 'Devil' said she would 'die in battle'. He knew then what he had chosen to ignore for so long. It hit home every time he looked at her, every time he remembered how very close he was to losing her.

By Galifrey, he loved her – as foolish as it was, to love a human. But how could he not? How fragile, how kind, how beautiful. She did not question him – not often, not seriously. She followed him, she _accompanied_ him. She stood by him, she fought for him. She had come so very close, so very often, to losing everything for him.

--

I wish I could do better by you  
'Cause that's what you deserve  
You sacrifice so much of your life  
In order for this to work

--

He would certainly love her forever, his doe-eyed Rose. Those big, brown eyes that so often filled with wonder, though they were capable of so much more intensity... A smile, scathing wit, anger, sorrow, worry..love...

He hated himself, knowing he could end it all. He could stop her from hurting, from the anguish - he could just let them _be_. Couldn't he? All he had to do...

Why couldn't he just _stop_? Why could he settle with her, stop wandering for a while? He knew she would...would not live as long as he, could he not stay with her for that long? Why did he continually put both of them in such danger? He would be the death of her, he and his his death-defying adventures. _He_ could regenerate. _She_ could not.

--

While I'm off chasing my own dreams  
Sailing around the world  
Please, know that I'm yours to keep  
My beautiful girl

--

She never asked anything of him. She never even _kissed_ him, though he knew it was in the air sometimes. He could feel the electricity on her skin often when they were close. That is not to say he did not wish to kiss her also, but she never _pushed_. Perhaps it meant she did not feel the same – he didn't believe as much. He just _knew_ it was part of what he loved about her. How she could be so happy just _being_ with him, words unspoken as they spent their lives traveling and saving countless species – sometimes countless times. She didn't _need_ any reassurances, just his presence at her side.

--

You don't ask for no diamond rings  
No delicate string of pearls  
That's why I wrote this song to sing  
My beautiful girl

--

It had come.

The moment he had dreaded for so long. They were so _close_. So _close_ to being together again, though she would have given up _everything_ in her life to do it. Her mother, her new chance with Peter, Mickey...any _semblance_ of a real life. She would have given it all up, just to stay with him.

But she just couldn't hold on and he couldn't...he couldn't reach her, he couldn't catch her.

She had fallen and he wasn't there to help her up. He _let_ her go.

It was too long before he saw her again, standing there in Bad Wolf Bay. She was so very, devastatingly beautiful. Even as she cried, even as she poured out her heart to him.

She said those words he had longed to hear, those words he had wanted to say for so long...

"Doctor... I..." Her breath hitched and his heart caught in the same moment. "I love you."

He smiled slowly, watching her with tears in his own eyes. "Rose Tyler, I-"

She disappears. Suddenly, all he can see is the inside of the TARDIS.

His heart breaks as a tear falls from eyes he had not known to cry often. The breath he lets out is shaky, the image of the woman he loves burned into his mind's eye.

"I..."

--

And when you cry a piece of my heart dies  
Knowing that I may have been the cause  
If you were to leave and fulfill someone else's dreams  
I think I might totally be lost

* * *

Yes, I know the end bit has a tense-switch. It was more dramatic that way. So sue me.

-Marvy.


End file.
